There is no denying the fact that a typical “Danfo” bus driver in Lagos is a king of comedy. The reason for literarily crowning him the king of comedy in this context cannot be farfetched as he has a way of being witty, sarcastic and creative at the same time. Yet he may not have participated in any of the comedy shows that were organised in Lagos by the management of Stand-Up Nigeria. He also may not have read the American ace humourist, Mark Twain, but he delivers the spoken language, albeit in Yoruba, with the wit of Twain, interspersing his message with comic side of life and drawing from the rich patois of street boys that are infamously known as “Area boys” in Lagos to create concrete images.
So was he being funny, witty or creative in his characteristic fashion whenever he chose to replace his damaged side mirror with the mirror he apparently stole from his wife’s vanity table. Yes! The “Danfo” bus driver is wont to tie the domestic mirror to the side were the original damaged side mirror was with rope or wire.
Ostensibly not done with his laughable creative disposition, he was wont to literarily constrict a mini-sized stool meant for the kitchen in-between two front seats in order to add extra passenger to the front compartment of the bus all in the bid to make extra money from the transportation fare. He is less hot and bothered about the inconveniences the other passenger on the appropriate seat would experience by squeezing additional passenger in-between the front seats.
In fact, I have never stopped to imagine that “Danfo” driver may have been the reason why Lagosians are wont to experience comic relief which psychologists unanimously attributed to be a major contribution to happy mood and long life.
Why would anyone not experience bout of comic relief as a regular passenger of “Danfo” bus when what is regarded to be “extra seat” happens to be a kitchen stool? Within the same laughable context is that the “Danfo Driver” driver, most times, turn on the ignition of the bus by connecting two naked wires against each other for the bus to start. Wow! Once it jerks, off it goes!
Ostensibly to beat traffic officials at their game, the “Danfo” driver is wont to equip his bus with empty fire extinguisher. Not done yet, any long rope that looks like a seat belt is converted to a seat belt by him. Upon sighting any traffic official, say a traffic official, he will bellow in such a way that the nerves on his neck could be conspicuously seen by the passengers while his blood shot eyes would somewhat pop-out from their sockets. The “Danfo” driver would bellow at the passenger sitting by his side him to put on his seat belt (to which some passengers had on some occasions screamed “Ah! Ah!! Where is the seat-belt, is rope your seat-belt?”). However, Lagos passengers that are always in a hurry have had no option than to obey the oddball “Danfo” bus driver by strapping the belt-like lash around his or her shoulder.
As if all the foregoing maverick behaviours which a “Danfo” driver does in complicity with his conductor are not funny enough, he would seemingly detach the sofas that the bus was originally equipped with by the manufacturer and replaced them with an improvised and detachable wooden seats. Paradoxically, the “Agberos” (touts) often pull off the improvised plank called seat whenever he is not tipped for beckoning on passengers to board the bus.
The conductor, who is equally a co-comedian like his driver is wont give “change” to two passengers leaving them to sort out themselves. Where the “joint-change” involves two passengers of opposite sex, it sometimes leads to pleasant relationship, so to say. It is funny to hear some conductor warn intending passengers “Enter with your senseooooooooo” when he meant to say “Enter with your changeoooooo”.
With the somewhat comedy-on-wheel which “Danfo” driver and his conductor are synonymous with and known for, who can pooh-pooh the fact that he does not offer comic relief to Lagosians?
In fact, I must confess that since the governor disclosed the fact that Lagos state intends banning “Danfo” buses on Lagos roads, I was seemingly not perturbed like other people in the state except for the fact that I had been obsessed that “Lagosians” would mix the “Danfo” bus driver for his wittiness as a Comedian-on-wheel.
Paradoxically, while “Danfo” driver serves as a comic relief to many Lagosians, the elites in Lagos see him as a stressor. For instance, in an interactive session with the News Agency of Nigeria (NAN) on the issue recently, Chief Ayo Opadokun, Convener, Coalition of Democrats for Electoral Reforms (CODER), commended Lagos state government’s plan to ban the buses from plying Lagos roads.
Opadokun told the News Agency of Nigeria (NAN) in Lagos that reckless driving by ‘Danfo’ drivers calls for concern and government action, adding that they had made life unbearable for everybody on Lagos roads.
He was quoted to have said “They drive without adhering to traffic rules and regulations and they do it so ungodly. The one-chance issue is mainly perpetrated by Danfo drivers.
He added that “Government has every right to check their excesses, therefore, Ambode should go ahead and ban them on Lagos roads.”
He also commended Ambode’s development initiatives and urged him to sustain them to better the lot of the people.
Even if the notable democrat was not quoted to have directly said that “Danfo” buses tantamount to stressors, his words implied that they were stressors that need to be avoided or do away with in the state.
However, in which ever way it is looked at “Danfo Bus” driver will be missed by all by the time the ubiquitous yellow buses are finally phased out from Lagos roads as disclosed by the Governor of Lagos State, Mr. Akinwunmi Ambode.
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Isaac Asabor, a Journalist, lives in Lagos.
