The rising rate of infidelity in marriages in Nigeria today calls for worry as many marriages have been dissolved due to this. Infidelity in marriage, which is as old as life itself, is a crime in various society and religion, and as a result, stringent measures are put in place to curtail this act. In some societies, the penalty could be as stiff as death, especially when it is a woman involved. However, infidelity still strives, leaving one to wonder why it has taken a form of legacy passed down from one generation to the other.
Infidelity in marriage is gradually becoming a norm. From creation every society has it traditional practices, such as loving one’s spouse, having sex only with one partner, among others. But some married couples deviate from this norms and exhibit it outside their marital home. This has been a source of marital dispute and instability among couples. What constitutes infidelity depends on expectation within the relationship. In marital relationship exclusively is commonly assumed. Infidelity can cause psychological damage, including feeling of rage and betrayal, low sexual and personal confidence and even post-traumatic stress disorder.
People of all gender can experience social consequences if their act of infidelity become public, but the form and extent of consequences can depend on the gender of the unfaithful person.
One measure of infidelity is paternal discrepancy, a situation that arises when someone who is presumed to be a child’s father is in fact not the biological parent. Frequencies as high as 30 percent are sometimes assumed in the media. Some studies suggest that only a small percentage of couple that experience infidelity actually improve their relationship. In terms of negative responses to infidelity report had it that after hearing a partner’s infidelity, reactions have included rage and increased aggressiveness, loss of trust, sadness, depression, damaged self-esteem, fear of abandonment, and a surge of justification to leave the partnership. Other negative consequences have included damage to relationship with children, parents, friends as well as legal consequences. If divorce results from infidelity, research suggests that faithful spouse may experience feeling of low satisfaction and self-esteem.
Studies have found that men are more likely to engage in extramarital sex if they are unsatisfied sexually and at times when they are far from home, while women are more likely to engage in extramarital sex if they are unsatisfied emotionally. The proliferation of sex chat room and dating app has increased the opportunity of people in committed relationship to engage in acts on and off the internet. Sexual act online include cybersex, where two or more individual engage in discussion about sexual fantasies usually accompanied by masturbation, hot chatting and flirting. It’s believed that if a partner engaged in cybersex this constitutes an act of infidelity.
Some people cheat for revenge or attention. Other times, folk cheat when their inhibitions are lowered while under the influence of a substance. Romantic ideal and the concept of self-fulfillment can also affect modern infidelity. Relationship expert Esther Perrel believes people cheat to transform regret or to express an identity.
The unfaithfulness in marriage could also be traced to inability to understand the concept of marriage counselling. Some men tend to develop a mental blanket against their wives because they feel the wives might be doing the same thing. So, with a larger population, men will say they are just trying to help women who they say may not have men to marry or even date them. They claim infidelity is an excuse to rescue the unwanted women with love and sex. Another insane reason of infidelity is for some people who grew up in polygamous home, and it is seen as a normal deed.
Another reason for infidelity is frustration in marriage. There would always be fidelity as long the opportunity to cheat does not present itself. Infidelity can scatter even the strongest relationship, leaving behind feelings of betrayal, guilt and anger. Nothing rocks a person a person’s self-trust and marriage more than infidelity. It leaves people questioning their sanity as well as everything they believe to be true about the spouse and about the viability of their marriage. Infidelity is crippling. Some married couples see infidelity as something that will never affect them. It feels like an issue reserved only for celebrities and public figures, which is unfortunately not the case. Around 25 percent of marriages and 40 percent of unmarried relationship face issues with infidelity, with the number increasing when also considering solely emotional affairs.
Infidelity is difficult and painful that it often takes the assistance of an expert to help navigate the tense and complex feeling of betrayal. Infidelity is more common than you think. If you have been cheated on before, don’t put all the blame on yourself. It is a one in a million occurrence, and many people have been in the same shoe as yours.
IFECHUKWUDENI is a student of the Department of English and Literary Studies of Delta State University, Abraka.
