It was last Monday. I decided to visit a friend that I have not seen for a long time. He is a lecturer of African History at the Federal College of Education, Ekiadolor. I took a walk to Edo Textile Mill Road junction, flagged down a cab and boarded it. When we got to the college, I headed straight in the direction of the library because a student had told me my friend was doing a research there.
But I was lost in thinking about what I had observed in one Edo Traditional Marriage I attended previously. I was so absent minded that I didn’t see my friend moving toward me from the opposite direction. To prevent me colliding with him, he screamed: “Chris! What is happening to you?” It was this loud sound that jolted me back to consciousness. Oh John! I am here to see you. “Here I am. But what are you thinking?” It is about this marriage I attended. “What did you see?” I observed many things I could not let go. “Can you discuss them with me?” Yes, I can.
First, I observed the invitees like tardiness; they have no regard for punctuality.When a marriage ceremony is planned to start at 8am no invitee will appear until 12noon. I was at odd with everyone else in recognizing the abnormality in this practice. I was baffled. We tend to copy everything from the Western world. How is it that we failed to absorb their attitude to punctuality?
We are far behind the Western world in most development indices because of our poor attitude to time. Tardiness is a bad friend to productivity and school performance. Do away with it.
There are two sections of activities in Edo marriage ceremony. One section is exclusively reserved for the elders of the two families – the bride’s and the groom’s – and they are carried out in the bride’s large living room. The second round of activities occurred in front of the bride’s house. The prayers rendered in both sections took the form and pattern of an imported religious practice. The elders are quick to pray through a particular individual who is said to (still) be living after death. But the same elders strongly emotionally opposed to pray through a collective of our own forebears that we call Enikaro. This is not logical at all. If it were sensible to pray through one intercession it would be more sensible to pray through a group of advocates.
A group of senior advocates of Nigeria is more powerful than one. Are two good heads not better than one again? Our people say, a person or institution is more likely to yield to a group than to a loner”. Isn’t it true, John?
“I am greatly troubled by your line of reasoning. All my life, I have been taught to pray through only one man who resurrected from death. I don’t know if any one else.”
That is what you believe. There is nothing wrong about it if you do not use your belief to injure another person’s. But there are other more valid alternatives. We believe our ancestors have conquered death and are now living in the spirit where they communicate directly with God. There is nothing weird about this. There is no reason why we should not be proud and enthusiastic to ask our Enikaro to intercede on our behalf and conclude with, Oba gha to kpe re, ise!
Do you have a third observation?” another friend asked, Yes, I do. It is about the opening prayer of the outside party. The master of ceremony who is half educated asked for a senior traditional chief or the eldest man in the gathering to do the prayer. He had hardly completed the prayer when he called for a so called “man of God” to conclude it. It was the greatest show of shame, a demonstration of the highest level. Of ignorance, a total insensitivity to the context of the party. This was a traditional marriage, not a church, islamic or court marriage. Thinking people expected the situation to determine what happened at the ceremony. Every man of integrity who genuinely believes in God is a man of God. Man of God is not located in only one religion. The elders and chiefs are not only respected for their wisdom, they are also seen as the group of people that are closest to God. Once they offer prayers in an occasion there is no need to call for another who is not half as holy as they to conclude it. I cannot understand why our people are so eager to force our culture to play a second fiddle.
Our people who are adherents of foreign faiths know it very well that the Holy Bible admits all authority is ordained of God. (Romans 13:1-12). And our elders and chiefs are spiritual and temporal leaders of our society.
There is a fourth observation.When the outside party was winding down the couple moved close to whisper to the Mc to invite guests to the foreign religious place of worship where it is believed they will receive the final blessing of God. At this stage my mind flashed back to the events that took place at the bride’s living room where the two families declared publicly their support and approval for the union and prayed for its fruitfulness.
In my view, this represents the greatest level of blessing. It is also in consonance with the Bible that God Himself is present in the midst of two or more persons who have gathered together to do what is pleasing to Him. Traditional marriage is pleasing to God and all blessings given because of it are one hundred percent answered by God. There is no need for another. A request for another one is superfluous.
A fifth observation. There are four basic modes of marriage – the traditional, court, church and Islamic. Many people believe the traditional marriage has no legal backing. This is not true. In the past, traditional marriage as a contract was an unwritten agreement. In present time, fortunately, many families now document traditional marriage. Documentation provides easily verifiable and durable evidence. Other forms of evidence for the union include audio and video information in a diskett. It is not wise to engage in more than one form of marriage for one couple. To do so is wasteful of money, time and energy. One of these forms is enough.
Traditional marriage is the best form since members of the families feel they have a stake in its success. Strangers who do not know how you were brought up or educated, or cared for do not feel this way towards you. A rational person is selective in his choices. Take what is good in our culture, reject those that are bad. This is how a wise person acts.
The sixth observation is about the monetary value that is placed on traditional marriage. Those going into marriage, in most cases, do not give much thought or time or effort or money to traditional marriage. When percentage is used for measuring the value, only ten percent of the total amount of money allotted for multiple (3) forms of marriage for one couples is spent on traditional marriage. There is the saying that when you tell people you have little or no value for a particular property of yours, other (who heard you) will help you dispense it off as waste. It is not encouraging for you to put on a behaviour that shows you do not have any respect for your culture. Behaviour like this is usually borne out of shallow knowledge and prejudice. If you give enough thought to it, you will find a lot of things that are useful in our culture.
My observations are not peculiar to Edo culture. A strand of each is found in all cultures of Nigeria.There are practices that are useful in our culture, let us use them. There are also practices that are harmful, let us reject these. The same thing is true for foreign cultures. Let us not be copy-cats.
