From time to time, I’ve asked husbands the question,
“IF your wife were to change something about herself, what would you like to see changed?” You can just imagine all the different answers I’ve received over the years; they’ve ranged from the most absurd and ridiculous to those that is quite positive and encouraging. Now and then I’ve heard, “nope. It can’t be done. She’d never change.”
Once in a while I’ve heard, “I’d like my wife to value herself more. I’d like her to see herself as God see her.
She has so much potential under the surface. I’d like to see that develop.” Now there’s a great answer! This husband wants his wife to become the best she can be.
Is it possible? Yes! Can she do it on her own? No! Can you, as a husband, change your wife? Yes and no. You can’t do it for her or force it to happen. But you can encourage change to happen. You have more influence and power over change than you can imagine.
The bottom line is this: what you believe about your wife will determine what she becomes. When Ephesians 5:25 states that a husband is to love his wife as Christ loved the church (to love her sacrificial(y), it also means he’s her cheerleader.
Every husband is given a power that can bring about change, growth and the fulfillment of potential in his wife.
There’s so much truth to these words:
No matter how beautiful a woman is, she will struggle with not liking something about herself. No matter how confident a woman seems, insecurities still haunt her at times. No matter how fulfilled a woman is in her calling in life, there will always be a part of her that wonders if she measures up. Some women struggle more than others, but all women long to be affirmed, appreciated and admired.
Other than God, there’s no one who can do more to build a woman’s self-esteem than her husband. Your wife is in the process of becoming what you think of her!
When a wife tells her husband, “thank you for believing in me,” her husband is fulfilling his calling. Have you heard those words from your wife? Does she ever turn to you and say, “It’s your encouragement that makes my life different” Read what these wives say about how their husbands bring out the best in them.
He appreciates me! He tells me often how much I mean to him, and he thanks me for things I do for him. He compliments me in front of other people, especially in front of our children, when he does that I feel valued and loved. He believes in me! He validates my dreams and believes I can do whatever God has called me to do.
He never trivializes my role as a woman – but treats me as a true equal. He believes in me. Shows compassion. Uses humour to defuse a disagreement. Is not afraid to admit he is wrong. Compliments me often. Like my cooking. Talks to me, listens to me. Makes me feel important. He would even watch a chick flick with me. He keeps himself healthy and looking good. Takes dancing lessons with me and then takes me dancing. Brings me flowers. Leaves me notes in my snack bag.
My husband is a wonderful listener. He has learned over the years that the way I process problems is by “flashing them out” out loud- or talking them through, it helps just to have his undivided attention, and then the solution will come to me. I don’t necessarily need the problem solved, just an ear.
He truly knows me and wants me to be the best God made me to be. We are so opposite from each other in most things, but we accept each other and don’t try to change one another. He studies me-my needs, my desire, my strengths, weakness, joys, sorrows; and he meets those needs whenever and however he is led to.
He encourages by words and actions, exhorts where necessary and treats me like I am God’s gift to him. I am free to flourish as the person God made me to be without fear of taking anything away from my husband. I am so grateful!
I wish he wouldn’t get angry so easily over things that don’t go his way, or when we disagree about something. He tends to over react and blow up over the smallest things. It makes him an unsafe person, and I can’t relax and just be myself. I wonder when “mount Vesuvius” will erupt next. It shuts down communication and damages intimacy and closeness.
Sometimes he gets into his sarcastic “guy talk” mode where everything is a “dig” or a negative comment (because with his years in the military, that is how they communicate. I wish he wouldn’t talk that way to me. It’s hard for him when coming out of that environment to adjust to home.
I really hate it when he dictates to me, like I’m an employee. It makes me feel like I’m stupid. I’m a highly educated woman, yet he can make me feel so stupid. I really hate it when he treats our kids badly. This is an issue with us. He seems to favour one over the other and it really creates tension for us.
He makes promises and does not follow through. He often gets sidetracked and forgets what he promised me. This hurts my heart. Also he is so prideful when he knows he has hurt my feelings, he would rather wait out my hurt and resentment then come to me and ask forgiveness or talk things out, for he knows I will “get over it”. But what he really does not know is that until it’s resolved, the hurt and resentment are still there.
I wish he wouldn’t walk away to do his thing when I’m in the middle of a conversation with him – for example, he checks emails, phone messages or DUR programs – and then comes back to me and expects to continue where I left off when he decided to leave the room.
Many husbands do try to encourage their wives, and even think they are doing so. But it’s difficult to be an encourager if you don’t understand what encouragement really means.

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