BREAKUPS can be so hard and at the same time a peaceful experience no matter what, no one really want to go through a breakup.
It can bring on intense heartache and stress. But if you’re looking for some help getting through it and want some suggestions about how to make it a little easier. Here are some tips.
Think through everything thoroughly but no obsessively-Go ahead and mull it over, as many times as necessary, within reason. Consider all the reasons you two broke up. Even if it sometimes seems as if there wasn’t a good reason, there certainly was one and probably more than one. Understand that you enjoyed being together for a while, but if the relationship was not what both of you wanted for life, it would have ended eventually, no matter what. In this case, better sooner than later. Thinking about the reasons why it ended can make it much clearer to you that it takes two people to start a relationship, but just one discordant person is enough to end it. It may also help you avoid many mistakes in the future if you can identify areas where you contributed to the demise of the relationship.
Don’t rethink your decision-If the breakup was your decision, keep in mind that only thinking about all the good times you had with your partner may cause you to forget the reasons why you broke it off. By the same token, try not to second guess the situation if the decision to end things was not yours. It’s very common to romanticize the good parts of the relationship, convincing yourself that maybe the bad parts of the relationship, weren’t so bad after all, that maybe you could just live with them. Or that maybe if your ex would know just how you feel, he/she wouldn’t want to breakup after all. Don’t play this game with yourself. Accept the situation and work on moving forward.
Keep your space-Even if you and your ex have decided to stay friends, break away completely from each other right after the breakup. The means not seeing each other, not being around his/her family members, no phone call, no emails, no text messages and no face book- not necessarily as a permanent measure, but until you feel that you can converse with him/her on a purely platonic level. Without an ulterior motive (and yes, wanting to get back together counts as an ulterior motive). If he/she tries to convince you to see him/her, ask yourself honestly what the point would be. If you’re reliving the past by seeing him/her, it’s not hard to get caught up in the moment and it will be harder to let go again. You may have to have some contact in order to deal with the practical aspects of what’s absolutely necessary and then keep such calls / meeting, short and civil.
Cope with the pain appropriately-Its okay to feel like you have messed up accepting responsibility for your mistakes or short coming, is healthy. On the other hand, you must also accept that you are a good person, and that you did your best and you’re not the only one who made the mistakes. A stage of denial is completely natural, but acceptance is the key to being able to start moving on.
Deal with the hate phase-This is when you want to just scream because your rage feels boundless. The amount of anger you feel depends on how you are acting against the spilt  the circumstances, and how long it took to make the final break. You may resent your ex for wasting your time, you may realize  that the breakup was (inevitable hindsight will reveal clues you failed to notice at the time). You may even feel a lot of anger towards yourself, but let go of that feeling fast! It’s a waste of time and energy to rip yourself apart over something you no longer have the power to change. There are so many positive things you can do with your emotions and energy. Although it may feel good to replace your feelings of love towards your ex with hate, this can still lead to complications and mixed emotions of love and hate which are never a good thing.
Talk to your friends- You want people around you who love you and who will help you feel good about yourself. Surrounding yourself with compassionate, supportive friends and family will help you see yourself as a worth.
Out with the old, in with the new-A breakup can signify a new beginning. Therefore cleaning and organizing your personal space will leave you feeling refreshed and prepared for the new things to come. A mess can be over whelming and depressing, and will just add to your stress level.
Remove memory triggers-There are all kinds of things that remind you of your ex, a song, a smell, a sound, a place. One of the grieving period has had some time to process, don’t dwell on painful feelings or memories. Try walking around each room in your house with a box and removing things that make your heart ache. If you have a keepsake, such as watch or piece of jewelry that was given to you by your ex, there’s nothing wrong with keeping such a thing, but for the time being, try putting it a way for later, when you’ve given yourself sometime and space.
Stay active-Exercise improves your mood and alleviates depression, and the distraction will help keep your mind off your situation. Go running outside, visit the gym or just go for a walk, maybe with a friend and think of releasing the anger or sadness with every step.
Let go of the negative emotions –Understand that there is no benefit in holding on to heartache, regret, and hatred toward another person. Realize that although it’s over your relationship with that person was unique and special in a lot of ways.
“Crying all night is okay. Infact, studies show that crying over your breakup all night will help you get over your breakup faster”.
‘Remember that your ex may be trying to get over you, as well. Be sensitive to that, and keep your distance”.
Make a list of the good things that emerged as a result of this relationship. Look at the problem from a completely new angle, look at the positive side. See if you can identify some (ten) positive out comes of this experience, for no relationship is over a failure if you manage to learn something about yourself.