The Communication inventory attempted to explore this problem by having
Participants respond to the following statement: “My partner listens attentively to what I have to say.” Forty-seven percent said their partner listened attentively “some of the time;” “rarely,” or “never.” Fifty-five percent admitted their partners accused them of not listening all, most, or some of the time. Heart listening: A way to show you care.
Listening is the most neglected and least understood of the communication arts. Perceptive listening doesn’t require a degree, but it does require learning. “Listening Know-how is communicating Know-how”. When involved in a conversation, we have to bear in mind that the person we are talking to is much more interested in himself; his needs, and his problems, than in us and our own problems.
2. POOR LISTENING HABITS.
Interruption: Interrupting is the most detested listening habit. Interrupters spend their time not listening to what is being said but in forming a reply. Interested only in their own ideas, they pay little attention to the words of others.
· Lack of Eye Contact: Lack of eye contact came in second on the “most irritating” list. Listeners who fail to look at the person, speaking to them convey disinterest, distrust, and a lack of caring.
· Boredom: The bored listener has heard it all before.
· Selection: The selective listener picks out bits and piece of conversation that interest him and rejects the rest.
· Defensive: A defensive listener twists everything said into a personal attack on self.
· Insensitive: The insensitive is One who can-not catch the feeling or emotion behind the words.
The most important function of talking is not the giving of information but the establishing of a relationship. By opening up and sharing, you can turn a stranger into a friend.
1. MAINTAIN GOOD EYE CONTACT
Focus your full attention on your partner.. Turn off the television and put down the newspaper:
2. SIT ATTENTIVELY
For a few minutes, act as if nothing else in the world matters except hearing out your partner. Block all other distractions from your mind. Lean forward in your chair as if you are hanging on every word.
3. ACT INTERESTED
Act interested in what you are about to hear.
Raise your eyebrows, nod your head in agreement, smile, or laugh when appropriate..
4. SPRINKLE APPROPRIATE PHRASES
Sprinkle your attentive listening with appropriate phrases to show interest and understanding. “1 agree.” “Is that so?” “Great!” “I hear where you are coming from!” Your partner wants to know you understand the ideas being presented.
5 ASK WELL-PHRASED QUESTIONS
Give encouragement by asking questions that illustrate your interest.
6. NEVER INTERRUPT
You must let the speaker express completely his or her though’ before conveying yours.
7. LISTEN A LITTLE LONGER
Just when you think you are through listening, listen thirty seconds longer! The most important Function of talking is not the giving of information but the establishing of a relationship. By opening up and haring, you can turn a stranger into a friend.
VOICE PITCH, VOLUME,
TONE AND SPEED
1. TONE AND EMOTION
A word may be a word, but how it is received depends on how it is said. “A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger…Pr. 15:1; 16:24; 25:15
2. SPEED
Even the rate of speech can alter and affect meaning.
3. VOLUME
Volume can be used either to soothe or irritate. A loud, angry voice is an effective weapon in most arguments. However, lowered, subdued tones can be used to gain attention.
John Powell, in his book Why Am I Afraid to Tell You Who I Am? Describes five levels on which we can communicate. An understanding of these levels is essential when conversing. High-level talks: .
Level 1: Deep Insight: The deepest and rarest level is deep insight where complete emotional and personal self-disclosure takes place. You feel secure enough: in the relationship to throw yourself open to view. It is risky because you become in danger or become very vulnerable.
Level 2: Feelings and Emotions: You now feel secure enough to share the feelings that lie underneath the ideas and opinions expressed at level 3. You describe what is going on inside you—how you feel about your partner or a situation.
Level 3: Ideas and Opinions: Real conversation is approached here as you describe ideas and opinions. Because you feel free to express yourself and verbalize personal ideas, your partner has a better chance to know you.
Level 4: Factual Conversation: This reads like the evening news cast:
Information is shared but no personal comments along with it. You talk about the day’s events, but you don’t tell how you feel about them.
Level 5: Small Talk: At this level, shallow conversation takes lace: “are you?” “Watch been up to?” “How are things going?’’
A word may be a word, but how it is received depends on how it is said.
TAKING ADVANTAGE OF ALL CHANCES
1. WORK AT TALKING
Make time to talk and create things to talk about.
2. MAINTAIN A DAILY TALK TIME
Set aside time each day to talk about non controversial marriage matters.
3. USE PILLOW TALK
When your heads actually hit the pillow, instead recounting the horrors of the day talk about some pleasant memories.
4. TRY THE WALK TALK.
5. COMMUNICATE USING CAR TALK
Another way to utilize time together is to use commuting time to full advantage even while driving.
6. PLAY TABLE GAMES TOGETHER
Playing table games creates a pleasant, relaxed atmosphere in which a couple can banter without undue pressure to communicate seriously.
7. MAKE THE MOST OF MEALTIMES
Table time can be one of the most pleasant or most hated times of day, depending on the atmosphere.
8. Deliver A VERBAL BOUQUET
A verbal bouquet is any affirmation which shows acceptance, appreciation, or respect for your partner. .
9. WHAT COUPLES ARGUE OVER: INFLUENCE OF ROLES
Role conflicts-who do what, why, when, and where-are affecting an increasing number of couples where both partners enter the work force.
According to Robert O. Blood: Sociologists Robert O. Blood, Jr., and Donald M. Wolfe surveyed more than 700 couples and found that almost all of them fought about the same issues in the following order:
1. Money,
2. Children,
3. Recreation,
4. Personalities,
5. In-laws,
6. Roles,
7. Religion,
8. Politics, and
9. Sex
Influence of the Time Being Married: According to studies, the frequency of conflict and the issues do not remain constant over the years.
According to Our Survey: The Communication Inventory turned up similar findings, with slight variations in perceived sources of potential stress.
