AS humans, we all have emotions. At one point or the other we go through emotional stress or trauma. However, many people do don’t know how to handle their emotions, and this has led to so many insidious acts and harmful behaviours
Emotional intelligence is a way of handling your emotions in an intelligent way, and the goal of emotional intelligence is to always deliver positive results in whatever situation you find yourself.
It is the ability to identify and manage your own emotions and the emotions of others as well has to do observe your emotions and those of others. There is a need to harness emotions and apply them to tasks like thinking and problems’ solving.
You could be struggling with managing your emotions, it could be about a stubborn child who is refusing to change for good, a heartbreak; you could be facing marital issues, and all these emotions appear to be weighing you down, all you need is emotional intelligence to enable you handle all these emotions.
Managing your emotions to achieve positive results entails the ability to regulate your emotions, the ability to cheer up or calm down another person, and to recognize one’s own and other people’s emotions. One should as well be able to discriminate between different feelings, label them appropriately, and to use emotional information to guide thinking and behaviour.
Take this scenario for example. Sharon had a hectic day at work, she returns home and discovers her kids have messed up the whole place, her husband calls from the office demanding an early dinner, her mother-in-law suddenly shows up unexpected hence, giving them a surprise visit; her boss calls telling her there is a board meeting very early the next morning. All these emotions come cranking in her head, and to her, she had the worst day ever. However, despite the ugly situation Sharon is in right now, she can make the best out of it by managing her emotions in an intelligent way.
Daniel Goleman once said, “… emotional intelligence accounts for 80 percent of career success”. Emotional intelligence can bring people out of the deepest emotional traumas.
Our emotions constitute a vital aspect of our virtual existence; however, when emotional issues arise, we need to learn to effectively manage them. We a time hear and see experiences of couples fighting and involving in hot arguments as a result of their inability to favourably manage their emotions.
Emotional intelligence enables one to use emotional information to guide thinking and behaviour. Hence, it encompasses one’s reasoning ability, thinking faculty, behavioural conducts, and ways to manage them.
Anthon St. Marten wrote, “highly sensitive people are too often perceived as weaklings or damaged goods. To feel interestedly is not a symptom of weakness; it is the trademark of the truly alive and compassionate. It is not the empathy who is broken; it is society that has become dysfunctional and emotionally disabled. There is no shame in expressing your authentic feelings. Those who at times described as being a ‘hot mess’ or having ‘too many issues’ are the very fabric of what keeps the dream alive for a more caring, humane world. Never be ashamed to let your tears shine a light in this world.”
Furthermore, in intelligently managing your emotions, you need to understand yourself, and temperament. As a choleric, there is every tendency for you to be hot-tempered. Hence, you might get angry at the slightest provocation, so you should understand your temperament as it is an effective tool at enabling you handle your emotions in an intelligent way. Also, when you are angry, emotional intelligence adsices you not to react that point in time. Reaction here may mean exchanging words with the person, or even involved in a physical combat with the person. Rather, you should pause, rewind your life to minutes or hours ago to what made you get angry, and then, think on the benefits accrued to being angry, as obviously there are no benefits accrued to doing so, rather there are disadvantages as it affects your overall health, leading to high blood pressure (hypertension), and other emotional-related health problems.
Jess C. Scott wrote,” when your emotional health is in a bad state, so is our level of self-esteem. We have to slow down and deal with what is troubling us, so that we can enjoy the simple joy of being happy and at peace with ourselves.” Therefore, our inability to manage our emotions affects our self-esteem, as it makes one look down on one’s self, and also blame one’s self for such situation. This clearly indicates that intelligently wielding our emotions helps to build our self-esteem, thereby building our self-confidence.
The difference between a nagging couple and a non-nagging one is the emotional intelligence the non-nagging couple possesses. Couples certainly have the usual couple’s beef, but the reason why we don’t hear some couples shouting at the top of their voices hence, settling their quarrel peaceable and amicably, and others turning their houses into wrestling areas is as a result of the motional intelligence the former possesses.
Emotional intelligence helps parents to know how to handle their emotions when dealing with their children. Some parents complain of their children’s disobedience, non-functionality at school, their stubbornness, and many more ill behaviours and social misdemeanour their children might be exhibiting, and all these emotions appear to be getting a hold of the parents which in turn leads to frequent quarrels and exchange of words between parent and child or children. However, there is a sure and easy way of handling of all of these emotions, and that is through emotional intelligence.
Teenage hood comes with its deepest and interesting fantasies, with the want of teenagers to always be in charge, and to always be heard. However, a parent who does not understand emotional intelligence may take all these developments in the child as disobedience on the part of the child and a way of the child trying to ‘raise his/her shoulders high, and hence, may in turn lead to quarrels between either mother and child or father and child in the home. As a child, you also need to have an understanding of emotional intelligence in order to deal with your own emotions, and also to know how to relate with your parents, friends, family members when they are angry, happy, in doubt, in fear, and many other emotions they may exhibit.
Alexandra Katehakis wrote, “to develop emotional and erotic intelligence, we need to practice enlarging our inner passion at every moment. It doesn’t matter what’s going on in our world, or even how we feel about ourselves in the moment. In fact, the best time to accomplishing something may be when we least feel like trying, because the hopeless part of our selves needs the light.”
Furthermore, in intelligently utilizing your emotions for your own benefit, there is a need to first of all perceive your emotion. Perceiving one’s emotions has to do with the ability to detect and decipher emotions in faces, pictures, voices, and cultural artifacts – including the ability to identify one’s emotions. We exhibit several kinds of emotions at different points in time, therefore, it is pertinent we identify our emotions. Know when you are angry, happy, sad, joyous, moody, when you feel awkward, when you feel lonely, and many more influx of emotions that could be depicted by you so as to effectively manage your emotions. Also, you should also be able to identify other people’s emotion; you should know when a person is angry or happy. For instance approaching a person when he or she is really upset could just be a way of receiving insults or even a slap from that person. In addition, emotional intelligence teaches you to do certain things just to avoid quarrels, disputes and fights. There was a story of a man whose wife demanded he bought her a car. This man was of course financially buoyant and could afford to buy his wife her desired car. However, for some selfish reasons, he denied his wife owning a car, and this singular act led to intense quarrels and fights in the home, the wife became a frequent nagger, the husband with the want of retaliated ended up always beating her up. The wife as well stopped performing her conjugal duties as a wife on the grounds that her husband must get her the car before she does so, the husband on the other hand playing deaf and stubborn to her demand refused to buy her the car. This issue escalated and almost led to a divorce. However, when a counselor stepped in and got to the root cause of the issue, she found out that it was refusals to buy a car that led to this huge misunderstanding between husband and wife. The solution to the problem was obviously the husband buying that car he could afford. If the husband could probably not afford that car at that time, then emotional intelligence teaches the wife to be understanding and patient with her husband. The rate of divorce the world over would indeed be reduced to the barest minimum if all couples understood the concept of ‘emotional intelligence.”
Secondly, there is a need to use your emotions. Using your emotions has to do with the ability to harness emotions to facilitate various cognitive activities, such as thinking and problem solving.
The emotionally intelligent person can capitalize fully upon his or her changing moods in order to best fit the tasks at hand. Hence, using one’s emotions simply means your ability to understand your mood changes, and to effectively use it to achieve positive results; even when you are down or upset, you should be able to use your emotions in a positive way so that others around you will not be negatively affected nor allowing to restrain others from relating with you at that point in time.
Thirdly, you need to understand your emotions. Understanding your emotions is the ability to comprehend emotion language and to appreciate complicated relationships among emotions. It also encompasses the ability to be sensitive to slight variations between emotions, and the ability to recognize and describe how emotions evolve overtime.
In addition, managing one’s emotions is very pivotal in understanding and carrying out the concept of ‘emotions in both ourselves and in others. Therefore, the emotionally intelligent person can harness emotions, even negative ones, and manage them to achieve intended goals.
Self-awareness is as well crucial in emotional intelligence. You need to be aware of yourself, your emotions, and your environment. We live in a social environment, hence, we have to be aware of the norms, culture, rules, customs and tradition of our society being self-aware gives you and edge over others, as it enables you accurately manage your emotions to the betterment of yourself, and the society at large.
Charlotte Mikulka once said; “people who seek psychotherapy for psychological, behavioural or relationship problems tend to experience a wide range of bodily complaints … the body can express emotional issues a person may have difficulty processing consciously … I believe that the vast majority of people don’t recognize what their bodies are really telling them. The way I see it, our emotions are music and our bodies are instruments that play the discordant tunes. But if we don’t know how to read music, we just think the instrument is defective”. Therefore, it is very important to understand your emotions, and effectively manage it
There are suggestive steps to take in using ‘emotional intelligence’ to deal with our day-to-day emotional issues.
Self-regulation: This involves controlling or redirecting one’s disruptive emotions and impulses, and adapting to changing circumstances. Self-regulation has to do with self-control; you should learn to control your emotions know when you are angry so you don’t become aggressive, know when you are over-excited so you don’t let loose; know when your adrenalin pops up so as to effectively handle the resultant emotions.
Social skill: this has to do with managing relationships to move people in the desired direction. Managing relationships with people also has to do with managing your emotions, and it is essential as it creates a favourable relationship between you and others in the society you live.
Have empathy: Empathy here entails considering other people’s feelings especially when making decisions. It is important to consider other people’s feelings when it comes to issues that affects them, don’t have a selfish interest nor you putting your decision and opinion as pivotal, thereby sidelining others. There needs to be a balance, and for that to occur, you need to consider other people’s feelings, decisions as well as yours’ and to weigh the both, to find out which appropriately deals with that situation at that point in time.
Motivation: Motivation here involves being driven to achieve for the sake of achievement. No matter the motions you are faced with, you should be motivated to press forward, looking beyond that immediate emotional trauma.
Read self-help books: Self-help books that teaches you how to understand your emotions, temperament, and that of others; and how to co-exist peaceably with individuals in the society are a sure recommendation for handling your emotions.
Seek professional help: there are some emotional stresses you cannot handle on your own even with your emotional intelligence. The best way out of this dilemma is to seek professional help. Consult your psychologist; go see a counselor to seek advice from him/her. They are experts in that field, and they sure have answers to your questions and solutions to your problems.
Gay Hopkins wrote: “believe in what makes you healthy, because everything else is just garbage”. With an effective use of emotional intelligence in dealing with your emotions, there will be no worries over high blood pressure because your entire existence will be devoid of worries; even when worry, anxiety, and stress comes, you sure know how to handle it. It’s very crucial we all learn how to handle our emotions and understanding emotional intelligence brings us closer to achieving that.